- - Sunday, January 25, 2004 WARNING: Deep post ahead BUSY weekend. Eh, I don't like those. Checklist for the weekend 1. Nails done - check 2. Cleveland plane tickets purchased - check 3. Car washed - check Today was Josiah's 18th birthday. Josiah is the little brother of one of my close friends, Justin. I grew up with this family, and seeing the "baby" turn 18 was really makin' me feel...well, freakin' old. Ended up spending all day at Justin's, just catching up...it's been a while. I have some major web work to do this coming week. I have a lot of additional photos to add to Bridie's site, and some designs for a new venture I've been plotting for a while. I've been seriously thinking about the rest of my life, and what I want to do with it. Where I want to see myself in 5, 10 years. Lately, a big majority of my post have been introspective, mentally and emotionally. I must say that this seems to be a regular accurance at the beginning of the year, since I've had time to look back on what my life has become. I remember after graduating high school, I made a promise that I wouldn't let a year go by without being able to look back and see that I had accomplished something - something to move forward. Whether it was a physical move forward, or even an emotional growth. Have I been working on changing the things about myself that I don't like? Do I follow my heart even when nothing around seems to be encouraging? There's things about my character, my habits, that I've come to the point where I won't rest until I've improved, or at least moved to the next level. I've had a vision in my mind's eye since I was young of the person that I wanted to grow to be. My loved ones, from my perspective, praise me far more than I deserve sometimes...and yet, I appreciate it because it pushes me to be a better person. So many times this month, I've needed a friend. Eh, not just someone to help me decide if my ass is too fat for those jeans, or someone to remember to remind me that 2 Grande Caramel Frappacinos a week is to be my legal limit. I was told a long time ago that you were blessed if you could count the number of close friends you had on one hand. Those friends that sit with you during your trying moments, when you're most definitely not the most fun person to be around. Other's may want someone to come along and just fix their problems, but I've grown to love the quality of a friend that simply does not know how to make it better, but dammit, they'll give misery company - even if it hurts them. My emotions have been rocky lately, and the explaination as vague as the look on my face. All I can say is that I feel a transformation trying to happen inside me, and until now, I've been fighting it. Growing as a person can sometimes be the best and worst of experiences and what makes me laugh is I can safely say I feel like Apolo locked up in the cabin on the coast of Washington - forced to choose an ordinary life or press on to be the person we're destin to be. Maybe that's why I admire those Olympic athletes the way I do. It's their purpose that inspires and infatuates me. Nobody will make my dreams happen but me. I'm ready to take a giant step from my job as a teacher, and teach myself to take risks...if my dreams are worth it to me.

posted by April @ 9:39 PM 0 Comments: Post a Comment << Home