- - Monday, October 13, 2003 WonderBlog's Top 10 Things to do during a Short Track World Cup This top 10 is in honor of the upcoming World Cup season. Since coming back from SLC's world cup back in February, I've learned many important elements of being a "successful" stalker. With my wisdom on the subject, I pass on to those World Cup virgins the ultimate list that will enable you, yes YOU, to stalk effectively without giving bystanders the slightest notion that you just escaped from the Looney Bin. Here we go. 10. Always look busy. As if you're on a mission of the CODE RED caliber. This prevents you from a) having anyone notice that you're really scoping any male in a skinsuit, and b) you'll look important (not that scoping males in skinsuits isn't important) 9. Always make cheering signs longer than the length of your body. This not only blocks half the viewing audience, it also doubles as a perfect hiding shield from fans that scare you enough to do something, like hide. 8. Never claim to know ST terms, unless you do. If you're down in the stands chatting to other newbies, don't talk about skater's using a jig, when for all you know a jig is an irish dancing technique. This will ALWAYS come back to bite you in the ass. 7. Don't make eye contact. This rule is mainly for in the event that you're lucky enough to meet/talk with a skater. This rule is especially true with Apolo Anton Ohno. The minute you lock eyes, it's all over. You can forget making an intelligable sentence and you can certainly forget that any word after that will make sense, much less even be English. 6. Media are fans, too. I know that having the coveted press badge around your neck gives you a sense of responsibility and maybe even the duty to remain calm at all times. Eh, SCREW that. You're a fan first and foremost, and if the local newspaper camera crews are giving you funny looks while you're happily screaming something to the effect of you wanna be Apolo's baby's mama, just say in the most obnixous manner - "That's Short Track!". 5. Pictures are gold. Yes, you're at the World Cup because you've never seen the US team compete and the thrill of the ice chips in your face is paramount. But that couldn't be farther from the truth if you reside on "123 Internet Rd". It's ALL about getting the best shots and plastering them on your blog once you return. Remember, he with the most pictures, wins. 4. Give the skaters their space. I've found that any ST fan in their right mind, and those on a low dosage of medication, can give the skaters some breathing room at competitions. You can still enjoy them walking by, but it's not mandatory that your tongue has to be afixed to their extremities to do so. Trust me, no one likes a skater that darts about the rink like a rabbit that's been set on fire, and has a permanent "deer-in-headlights" expression. 3. There IS such a thing as too many photo ops. The general public, and I'm sure the team knows that you're interested in documenting your first trip to a World Cup through pictures, mostly photos of you + [your favorite skater]. Go ahead. Ask them to take a pic with you. They'll be delighted. It's only when you come back for your 34th picture, while [your favoritie skater] is stretching quietly in the corner you drop to the floor, tell them to "smile", and SWEAR that the last 33 pictures didn't "come out". 2. Italian dinner + nervous fan + favorite skater walks by = a mess. SO important, and this is for those with weak stomachs. DON'T, I repeat, DON'T eat a out-of-control large meal before trekking to the World Cup venue. Thank God I've been ok with this one, but watching a delicious short track athlete jog by you in the foyer of the Venue on a full stomach will indefinitely make you whoosy, and God forbid cause you to actually blow chunks....on "Chunks". Don't make your first WC your last. ...and finally, the number ONE thing to do during a World Cup 1. Let [your favorite skater] know how much they've meant to you. ah HA, you thought number 1 wouldn't be this sappy, did ya? Well hell, like it or not it's the single most important thing to do. If you're honest, sincere, and throwing in some humor doesn't hurt, you'll really show [your favorite skater] that you're not just a fan, but a life that they have changed. Don't get me wrong, observing the way they fill out those skins and the rush of SO-NOT-HOLY thoughts that arise while watching [your favorite skater] bend over to tie their skates is all part of appreciating them...it just works out better if you give them more "I'll be back" and less "Baby got back". That juicy convo is for after the competition with your girls back at the Holiday Inn and about 18 barcadi Silver's later. Heh heh...oh.

posted by April @ 2:59 AM 0 Comments: Post a Comment << Home